Ironic as it seems, there are just some things in life that on paper are just not meant to work. And yet very occasionally, they turn out to be something really rather super. Here are some examples, the first of which I made today, and initiated this whole wrong-but-rightness:
Beetroot Brownies. I am the first to shirk the earthy purple stuff because anything that tastes like mud and turns your pee pink has got to be a wrong 'un. But when baked with walnuts, dark chocolate and other cakey staples, it makes nothing short of brownie magic.
Hollyoaks. This show on paper has no redeemable features. Bad acting, girls that are so attractive they provide the unrealistic benchmark for 99% of the male race, impossibly implausible plots, a disgusting token box-ticking of every cultural, racial and sexual stereotype, and, most disturbingly, a cameo by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yet the two and a half hours spent watching the omnibus is often the best spent time of my weekend, and the cure all of my hungover woes.
Hairless cats. They look like something from a Jim Henson film, are way too sensitive, need some kind of knitwear to stop them developing hypothermia and are, quite frankly, the ugliest thing on the planet. But they are just so goddamn cool, for no reason other than they look like Mother Nature fucked up and left them live for an in- joke.
Coca Cola. We all know it rots your teeth and insides, and contains no discernible ingredients other than sugar and 'vegetable extracts' (incidentally what vegetables are the exactly? Beetroot perchance?). But when you've got a poorly tummy, it makes you better. If you're tired, it makes you better. If you're hungover, it makes you better. I'll wager I'll risk the odd dentists bill in favour of a magical medicine that will cure most of my anatomical woes. Plus, at least it wasn't invented by the Nazis, like Fanta. Fact.
Alcohol. It rots your liver, makes you sick, gives you headaches, can make you pee/poo yourself, makes you make inappropriate comments / confessions of love / declarations of hatred, causes memory loss / paranoia / arguments, is a highly addictive substance and costs a bloody fortune. Yet, it's brilliant stuff. i just don't get it.
Now, where's my vodka and coke?
.
Beetroot Brownies. I am the first to shirk the earthy purple stuff because anything that tastes like mud and turns your pee pink has got to be a wrong 'un. But when baked with walnuts, dark chocolate and other cakey staples, it makes nothing short of brownie magic.
Microwaves. Now I'm no scientist, but these bad boys employ some kind of nuclear technology that has to be dangerous if something small goes wrong. The theory that things keep cooking for a certain time afterwards surely means that you could potentially barbecue your innards if you're a little impatient? However, you can reheat, defrost, nuke and warm your tea in minutes if not seconds, and still have time to do the washing up. Genius.
Hollyoaks. This show on paper has no redeemable features. Bad acting, girls that are so attractive they provide the unrealistic benchmark for 99% of the male race, impossibly implausible plots, a disgusting token box-ticking of every cultural, racial and sexual stereotype, and, most disturbingly, a cameo by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yet the two and a half hours spent watching the omnibus is often the best spent time of my weekend, and the cure all of my hungover woes.
Hairless cats. They look like something from a Jim Henson film, are way too sensitive, need some kind of knitwear to stop them developing hypothermia and are, quite frankly, the ugliest thing on the planet. But they are just so goddamn cool, for no reason other than they look like Mother Nature fucked up and left them live for an in- joke.
Coca Cola. We all know it rots your teeth and insides, and contains no discernible ingredients other than sugar and 'vegetable extracts' (incidentally what vegetables are the exactly? Beetroot perchance?). But when you've got a poorly tummy, it makes you better. If you're tired, it makes you better. If you're hungover, it makes you better. I'll wager I'll risk the odd dentists bill in favour of a magical medicine that will cure most of my anatomical woes. Plus, at least it wasn't invented by the Nazis, like Fanta. Fact.
Alcohol. It rots your liver, makes you sick, gives you headaches, can make you pee/poo yourself, makes you make inappropriate comments / confessions of love / declarations of hatred, causes memory loss / paranoia / arguments, is a highly addictive substance and costs a bloody fortune. Yet, it's brilliant stuff. i just don't get it.
Now, where's my vodka and coke?
1 comments:
Re. Microwaves: since writing this post, microwaves and I have fallen out on account of reheated that chicken curry in a bag scalding my hand with a heat only microwaves can muster. For those of you who may be concerned, my hand is now fine. But I am boycotting microwaves from now on in favour of the old-fashioned pan and spoon technique. Bastard things.
Post a Comment